The Nick Enloe Collection: Volume 1
Infinite Loser
Infinite Loser II
The Advise To Kevin Song
She Thinks I like Fat Chick
Good Olí KFC
The Encounter (True Story)
                                                 Infinite Loser 6-12-00

After you called, I sat to wonder.

On my couch eating a cucumber

Why arenít I good enough to fit your needs?

Iíve never had a chance, my garden is full of seeds

Is it because I can not dance?

Now I feel like some bologna

Shove off me you frigginí phone!

Sorry Ďbout that, I think I can,

Forget about you and go play Seaman

Infinite Loser II 1-3-01

I tried to explain it to the girl next door

I donít want you, youíre a whore

I was not looking at your breasts

The words on your shirt interest me best

My telescope watchiní you as you shower?

I was watchiní the stars, Iím not a coward

If I liked you, Iíd tell you so

Instead oh hide, and watch you moí

Why was I hiding in the Porto-Potty?

Uh. . . Shit!

I gotta go!!

The Advise To Kevin Song 1-3-01

Nest sung to the Man on the Moon theme

Why is Kevin such a tight-wound flit?

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Kevin lookiní for gorilla love*

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Now Kevin, wonít you shut the fuck up?

I think Nick wants to pull out his gun

Please donít make him shoot himself (you pussy)

With your rambliní on.

*Kevin wants a chick that looks like a gorilla.

She Thinks I like Fat Chick

Ben: Nick, she thinks that I like fat chicks.

Nick: Why?

Ben: Cuz I said I donít like toothpicks.

Nick: Ugh . . . thatís pretty sick, but you should know, your stealing all the time on my show.

Ben: Dude, no one cars that youíre a loser.

Nick: Fuck Off, they should know that you drink booze . . . Umm . . . er.

Ben: I think we should get on the subject, instead of talking about you, reject.

Nick: Thatís fine.

Ben: why do these chick think that theyíre chubby?

Nick: Ben, Iíve heard you call them tubby.

Ben: Thereís no controlling their emotions.

Nick: Send those whales back to the oceans.

Ben: This, has nothing to do with what youíve just said, youíll wanna stop and duck youíre head.

Nick: What!!!

Good Olí KFC (not a true story)

(Ben sitting in the parking lot of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Nick walks out with a box of extra crispy chicken)

(Nick hands the chicken to Ben)

Ben: Thanks, dude

Nick: No problem. After all the work I do here, I think I deserve to steal some food.

Ben: (while eating) So how do you like working here? I mean, how does the time pass?

Nick: Well, let me pur it this way. Working here is really great. The feeling I getr when breading and cooking chicken is like chicken nirvana.

(Ben give Nick a very strange look)

Ben: Well, its good you like it.

Nick: Thatís not all. The joy that the food I cook is making people happy. It makes me want to go up to every customer, and say, "How do you like the chicken?" And inform them Iím the one who made it for them.

Ben: Dude

Nick: it also makes me wonder what would happen if I informed them that I pissed in the extrap crispy chicken batter.

(Ben bulging eyes spitting and puking everywhere)

Nick: Dude . . Just kiding . .

(Ben look of relief)

Nick: I donít like it there THAT much.

(Ben resumes puking)


9-13-00 "Freakers are just a different brand of preps, kinda like Coke and Pepsi. Iím the generic brand. Iím cheap, sure, but I get the job done.

9-22-00 "Rejection is the most painful thing in life till about the 400 billonth time."

9-25-00 "You realize life is completely useless when you have too much time to think about it."

9-27-00 "I think everyone in this world are assholes; especially people like me."

9-29-00 "Is there really a point to human relationships siknce there will be a point in life for each one to end?"

10-10-00 "Self-esteem is similar to a city; if it hasnít been build it canít be torn down."

The Encounter (True Story)

(Two five-year old English twins approach Nick)

Girl 1 and 2: Hello Nick.

Nick: Uh,h. How did you know my name?

Girl 1 and 2: We know everything about you, Nick.

Girl 1: We know what you really think. You suppress your bad feelings because people are brought down by it.

Girl 2: Exactly. You turn people off by instantly showing the bad side of your personality, because it they really get to know you youíre afraid they wonít like you anyway.

Nick: Who are you?

Girl 1: You also think you will live and die in a lide of solitude. You believe you can not love anyone because no one truly loves you.

Girl 1 and 2: You need help

Girl 1: Youíre very smart, Nick. That really makes me wonder why you havenít figured yourself our.

Girl 2: Youíre not complicated. Youíre in no way different from anyone else.

Nick: Why are you telling me this

Girl 2: You need to know. We will be back later, you need time to ponder what weíve just said.

Girl 1 and 2: Until next time, Nick

(Girl 1 and 2 Dissapear)

Nick: Oh my God, what was that?

Thanks for readying all this stupid shit. I love everything. Itís a happy happy world, put on your smiles, enjoy yourself. Let everyone else, know that youíre damn happy . . . even if youíre not. Later.

Nick Enloe

You know you want him . . .

To the top of the page