Poems From the Heart...or Somewhere (Page 2)

Anti-Ninjas
Why!? (A Love Poem)
Dr. Pepper
Turtles
On The Meaning of Life
The Tree on the Hill
Axemaster The Fierce
Leprechauns
In my Pants
Mighty, Majestic, and not so Malicious Mountains
The Cake Thief
Not Another "Self Pity" Poem

Poems Page One
Poems Page Three
Poems Page Four



Back to Hilarity Ensues


Anti-Ninjas
John Lindsey 7-19-02

All ninjas listen, your death may come soon.
You may not believe this, you'll call me a loon.
Though you've honed your ninja skills well,
There is a fierce race that will counter your spell.

They're known only as the anti-ninja brigade,
And they'll likely attack you when you're on a raid.
I've watched them counter the great judo kick
With a violent attack from their special stick.

Not even the strongest judo will help you,
Their force fields of doom will block even that too.
They are angry and savage from years of battle,
When you turn your back they'll do strange things to your cattle.

So run from these fiends if you wish to live long,
Run as you would from a Britney Spears song...
Hide in the mountains and hide in the glades.
Hide in the tree tops and lob some grenades.

Why!? (A Love Poem)
John Lindsey 7-24-02

Why did this have to come to pass?
I thought our love was kicking ass?

Then you had to go and stab
My precious little hermit crab...

It's over now you worthless cad.
I hope this makes you very sad...

That hermit crab was going places...
And then you put it through its paces.

I hate you now, I want to die.
I didn't get to say goodbye...

That happy crab was my best friend,
It's life is done now mine must end...

Dr. Pepper
John Lindsey 9-08-02

Dr. Pepper you are so grand,
You snuggly fit within my hand.

Just like something else I know.
But to there I will not go...
This is rated G you know?

I love the way you make me feel,
I like to drink you with my meal.

Come to me my lovely pop!
I bought you at the corner shop;
I once had fun there with a mop...

I promise I will never spill you...
You can kill me if ever I do.

I gaze into your maroon can,
While watching Disney's Peter Pan.
You make me feel like such a man...

My lovely Dr. Pepper...

Turtles
John Lindsey 9-08-02

A turtle is a violent creature,
I've seen them bite cops and even a preacher.
They dance around with enticing charm,
But if you get too close they'll eat your arm.

I once tried to keep one as a pet.
It swam in its puddle and got really wet...
I wanted it's body, but I got too near.
It bit off my... fingers and then got my ear.

It then escaped into the vast woods;
And from there it attacked small neighborhoods.
I tried to follow it, but never could tell
Where that turtle hid (was it in its shell?)

I cried and I cried, and I cry still.
I made it a monument on my favorite hill...
It looks like a turtle, but it can't replace
My vallient creature's adorable face!

On The Meaning of Life
John Lindsey 9-08-02

Random thoughts like turtles melting,
Flying zebras and hammers smelting.
Eating water near the village.
Slip, fall, and then pillage.

Take a breather now and then,
Count to fifty then back to ten.
Up the rabbit down the drain,
Just to do it all again...

The deluge brings in many foxes,
Big, bad, and bongo boxes...
All along you've heard their voices.
Left or right? So many choices.

It makes a lot of sense to rhyme,
Your responce was on the dime.
But why must you eat so few carrots?
I tell you this; thay taste like parrots.

Jumping, falling through the void.
Playing games of Araknoid.
I've found the meaning of life you know?
It was burried deep in yellow snow.

The Tree on The Hill
John Lindsey 9-08-02

The tree on the hill was swaying today.
It was so dramatic, I stared in dismay.
I did a wild dance to show my vast pleasure,
A joy that was far too enormous to measure.
I secrety wished to keep it as a pet,
I would sneak up and catch it with a net.
Then I would always have its leaves near.
I would feel bold and no longer know fear.
My life would certainly then be complete.
The shade from the tree would protect me from heat.
If a dainty bird ever decided to nest,
In the top of the tree that I love the best.
I'd smash it with ever so gallant a movement,
Then look up at the nice and shiney improvement.
No one would dare speak badly of my tree friend,
Or I'd be forced to make them pee into the wind.
My tree keeps me safe every night,
Though not once have I ever seen it bite.
It is the only thing just and fair.
I made a nice rope swing out of my hair...

Axemaster The Fierce
John Lindsey 3-17-03

His name was Axemaster the Fierce
Through many a fiend his axe did peirce
He was violent yet brave
And his beard he did shave
With the same axe he found
Stuck in a stone on the ground

Striking fear into all his foes
And shoving his axe right up their nose
He'd do a wild jig
And their graves he would dig
But how was he to know
That someone would soon end his show?

The one that dubbed himself Violent Bob
Was looking for people to eat and to rob
He saw Axemaster dismembering deer
But Bob would show him the meaning of fear
He leapt at the dangerous Axemaster fast
And broke Axemaster's three legs so he'd need a cast

Axemaster was maimed
But the moose he had taimed
Drug him safely away
Drug him all night and all day
Bob didn't give chase; did not even care
He was too busy spiking up his hair

Leprechauns
The John Lindsey 3-17-03

Lephrecauns are gay
in a "happy" way.
They really like to pose
in their Irish hose.
Some make cereal; some make cookies
Some make tiny adorable dookies...

In my Pants
10-3-03

Waiting in my pants,
It becons all to draw near
Children and the elderly are fooled by its splendor
And unknowingly walk into a death trap

Mighty, Majestic, and not so Malicious Mountains
4-21-03

The mountains are beautiful this time of year
I see many elk and a rabid deer.

The babbling brooks bring tidings of joy…
Which really means nothing; sailors yell “Ahoy!”

I love ye snow! And your glacier friend
But if I’m with you too long I’ll freeze off my rear end

I’ll build many snowmen in honor of skies
That rain ice down on me yet are oh so wise

I won’t get frostbite if I wear enough clothing
But I fear that it’s me who the wolves here are loathing

They look at me with great hunger in their eyes
So I throw them food and shout “Here you go guys!”

Now they’re my chums and they help me build igloos
So I’ll have a warm place to read magazine issues

Oh mountains! Oh exalted mounds of rock!
Were you really created from an earthquake’s shock?

The Cake Thief
4-13-03

How magestic your cake was,
icing glimering in the sun
as you inconspicously ran
across the parking lot

The grocery store "security" captured you
whilst the cake's baker shooketh her fists
you were drug back inside the store...
while you claimed you'd done no wrong

You had a deposit down on that cake!
so what was so wrong about taking it!?
your child needed it
to feed that sugar addiction

NO! You must fight!
and take back that cake
which is rightfully yours
show those bastards how important your cake is!

You bit and clawed at them
it's all for the cake you thought
you grabbed hair and ripped
held it hostage in hopes of getting thy cake back

People gathered around
to watch the spectacle
Where is the cake now anyway?
did a customer run off with it?

It was all in vain...
Thy cake is gone forever

Not Another "Self Pity" Poem
1-29-03

My life is not even worth living
I settle for hookers with no arms
The only pleasure of mine is in giving
People I meet to my Fire Ant farms...

I like to pretend that everythings fine,
And smile at the folks I see on the street.
But I just cannot help but whine...
They get real anrgy and stomp on my feet.

I had a pet bird for a little while,
but when I introduced it to my other 'little friend.'
My bird flew far a way. Perhaps to the Nile?
and duct taped up its birdy rear end...

Why can't I have a "special someone?"
I've even tried hitting on nuns,
They are supposed to be "friendly," but they just run.
And come back later with "holy" shotguns...

So... Can I "borrow" your pet kitten for a while?

To Top of Page