Poems From the Heart...or Somewhere ( "funny poetry" page 4)

All poetry written by John Lindsey...

Finally
Memoirs of a Dream
The Fast Food Guy
Global Warming
Just Another Human
Don't...
Turkey, yep
Icky Intersection
The Seven-legged Octopus
Chocolate Dance...
Cool Dork
Vain Not Vein
The Barnes and Noble Urinals...
The Elderly Shuffle Past
Darkness
Darkness #2
Soul in a Photo
The Secret

Poems Page 3
Poems Page 2
Poems Page 1


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Finally
John Lindsey 10-26-04

The budgerigars are restless
Too many days spent idly chirping
Watching grey boxes rise higher
And ignoring the biped threat

As the green of life is burnt away
Leaving a wasteland behind
The budgies ready their assault
Knowing what has to be done...

Memoirs of a Dream
John Lindsey 10-28-04

Left out in the rain,
Eating raisons from last year's harvest.
Shiny red grass touches
The bountiful bunny producer.
Where, why, bout' now yokels.

Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Emu...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Walrus...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Laughadil...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...
Pants...

Eskimo Pie.

The Fast Food Guy
John Lindsey 11-3-04

Dancing and singing when no one is watching
Flipping burgers when your manager walks by
Eating the occasional handful of fries
Fast food employee, King of the World!

But suddenly a busload of customers arrive
To feast upon your culinary delights
You vainly try to keep up with their orders
And collapse in your madness when you fail miserably

Then they all swarm you
Demanding their food
But you are delirious
So you wander awayÖ

I salute you fast food employee
As you walk on into the sunset
Leaving so many wanting you
But you will never returnÖ

Global Warming
John Lindsey 11-8-04

Igloos melting in the sunlight
Eskimos screaming and crying
The Arctic Ocean rises
A flood of water takes the continent

Sled dogs doggie paddle
People ride them south
Missouri now an island
A literal tourist trap...

Just Another Human
John Lindsey 11-13-04

You don't know me at all
Yet I've been discounted
Have become a nobody
No one
Pretend I donít exist
And Iíll go away
But I donít
I persist
Am still there
Hoping your callousness
Will all ebb away
Just talk to me
I exist
I am
Love me
Hate me
It does not matter
Just donít ignore me

Donít...
John Lindsey 11-21-04

Donít run naked through corn fields
Donít run naked through pools of lava
Donít run naked through mine fields
Donít run naked through poison ivy
Donít run naked through churches
Donít run naked through petting zoos
Donít run naked through nettles
Donít run naked through busy intersections
Donít run naked through airports
Donít run naked through beauty pageants
Donít run naked through preschools
Donít run naked through supermarkets
Donít run naked through rest homes
Donít run naked through weddings
Donít run naked through Antarctica
Donít run naked through wheat threshers
Donít run naked through herds of caribou
Donít run naked through chicken coops
Donít run naked through no manís land
Donít run naked through ballroom dances
Donít run naked through snapping turtle terrariums
Donít run naked through prisons

Donít run naked...

Turkey, yep
John Lindsey

It is Thanksgiving
Eat lots of turkey
Go to sleepÖ
Wake up
Still Thanksgiving
Eat lots more turkey
Go to sleepÖ
Wake up again
No longer ThanksgivingÖ
Eat rest of turkey
Canít wait until next Thanksgiving

Icky Intersection
John Lindsey 11-30-04

The ďdonít walkĒ sign flashes
But the adults are restless
They have no time to dawdle
These children have to go back to daycare
For it is nap time
The only peaceful time in the daycare workersí day
So the children are herded across
The perilous intersection
They all hold hands and whimper
As the busses and taxis speed towards them
Little preschooler feet
Just arenít fast enough
To escape the rubbery death tires
Of a greyhound bus
Like so many tiny speed bumps
The children are mowed down
Never to sing Kumbaya again
Or play duck duck gooseÖ

Their parents wonít be pleasedÖ

The Seven-legged Octopus
John Lindsey 2-16-05

Always made fun of by your octopus peers
They laugh and they stare and put rocks in your ears
For there was a problem with your motherís eggs
And so you were born with one too few legs
Oh Spinner, the seven-legged spectacle!
Itís hard to swim straight, missing a tentacle...
A prosthetic made from seaweed your problem may help
But when fishes bite at it, you know you will yelp!
So you are left with only one course
Join the Sea Circus with the three-headed sea horse!

Chocolate Dance...
John Lindsey 2-16-05

Chocolates in my mouth
Dance and sing, dance and sing
Iíve never been this happy before
Got to put more
Chocolates in my mouth

Cool Dork
John Lindsey 2-16-05

He is cool cool cooler than you
But you donít like him because...
Heís a dork

Vain Not Vein
John Lindsey 2-16-05

The delusion is broken
But Iíll still vainly try...
After all, one shouldnít live in perpetual hopelessness
It is unbecoming you know
Iím just glad, I still have,
Some Cheez-Its remaining
When they run out, what will I have left?


The Barnes and Noble Urinals... John Lindsey 3-4-05 Do you think only midgets come here? Or maybe just toddlers? When I pee, I like to pee Straight and true, straight and true I donít like pointing down At yonder bucket near the ground. Raise the urinals a little higher my friend (unless you like yellow hued walls) At least raise them for the janitorsí sake Give them a break! No one wants to clean that mess up!

The Elderly Shuffle Past John Lindsey 3-4-05 The elderly shuffle past Shuffle past Alone, or in twos or threes Shuffle past Not too fast... All towards the door Towards the store To get their food Got to make it through Another season What do they eat anyway? Probably the same stuff as rabbits Lettuce... Carrots... Oatmeal The elderly shuffle past For oatmeal Now as for these next four poems... They were done as a joke to "emulate" the "dark poetry" I found on a certain forum: Wow, you guys are really good at capturing some of the same feeling Axemaster is having. Here is my own thoughts to detail the poetry of my own. My own poems:

Darkness Axemaster The Fierce 3-6-05 It is in my soul dancing All about the four walls prancing Touching my place My special place Of solitude Like an angry sock I drop the rock Of my own self effacing Apathy Sing to the darkness my dearies Until your tongues it wearies Tongues have never been this busy Not even on my girlfriend Lizzy That tramp that dumped me For an angry sock It was just a sock puppet What the Hell!? Why she dump me for that? I found the freaking sock in a dump! Darkness now My soul is smelting Rabbit shoes And gumdrops melting Don't dump me for a sock Dammit! Darkness once more in my heart Where did it start? When I was left for a sock? Or before, in my childhood When I was poked with a sharp Nerf arrow God it hurt Stabbed my arm Stabbed my soul My soul to burn from the dark arrow's Stab! Leave me, don't leave me, I am a sock now too ... Good poems from you both, very poetic. I'm going to have to post some of my better one now:

Darkness #2 Axemaster The Fierce 3-6-05 As I looked up From my drunken daze And saw you with the sock On your hand As though it were some puppet I died a little inside My soul Turned four shades darker Must get cool shades to match And I glare at you From behind those shades Because you've eviscerated my heart With a jagged sock puppet Marv you say his name is? Just toss Marv aside baby I'm all you need Like I said, I'm a sock now too! Quick poem about the "funny guy" who ruined my picture. Nay, my life!

Soul in a Photo Axemaster The Fierce 3-6-05 So they say Your soul Is imprinted in Your photograph So why oh why Did you taketh Those pointy scissors And cut Cut away Cut away my soul's face!? And then you Went even further You cad You fiend You put a picture Of Britney Spears On my body instead! Why!? Mostly I just write poetry about the horrors of life, but I can write "beautiful and inspirational" poetry as well! Poetry that will touch your bosoms. Like this poem:

The Secret Axemaster The Fierce 3-7-05 You may think life is terrible But I have found the secret my friends The secret to eternal happiness All you need to do is cast off A certain restriction I think in your bosom you know What I am alluding to That's right my friends! You need to relieve yourself of Your restraining and inhibiting pants! Take off your pants!! Walk around the block Your school A playground Dance a little Pelvic thrust a stranger Your life will never have any hope... As long as you keep wearing pants

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