Sergei reached out and began petting the closest squirrel, “I’m no villain...” he said, “I am just a special, special man who loves squirrels almost as much as shiny lights!”
The squirrel grinned, but then one of the other squirrels shouted “Don’t let The Villain sweet talk you! He hates squirrels more than we hate acorn thieves!”
Sergei’s expression immediately turned to one of fury, and he executed a flawless roundhouse kick to the head of the offending squirrel.
The remaining squirrels were quick to subdue Sergei with their magic “lasso goo.”
“No! I’m covered in... lasso goo!” screamed Sergei as he writhed about on the ground in the sticky sticky substance.
The squirrels picked Sergei up and threw him in the back of their Squirrel Police car.
“Normally we take criminals to the police station, but for you, The Villain, we will have to take you straight to the Godfather Squirrel of Squirreltopia!” said the driver.
“No, not to another squirrel! He’ll try to steal... my nuts.” Sergei whined.
“Silence Villain, we’re at the Godfather Squirrel’s mansion now...”
“After a few seconds of driving!?” Asked Sergei.
“Yes... Please don’t tell me You aren’t familiar with ‘phase shift’ technology. ” Said the skeptical squirrel.
“I once had a pet frog, and I named him Frabel!” replied Sergei.
The squirrel was rendered speechless by this revelation, and was extra rough with Sergei as he drug him into the mansion of the Godfather Squirrel.
As Sergei was drug, he took notice of a fairly large screen right inside the door, that was showing footage of him being drug.
“What is that thing!?” said Sergei.
“It’s ‘The News’ Villain... What else?”
“How could I be in the news already... I just got here?”
“News... travels extremely fast here. Nearly all of the world will know of your capture by now.”said the squirrel.
“All is lost?” asked Sergei.
The police-squirrel ignored Sergei’s question and “escorted” Sergei into an elevator, where they went up 30 floors to the very top if this “mansion.” The police-squirrel went right past the reception desk and ignored the “Do you have an appointment!?” that came from the secretary. He barged right into the Godfather Squirrel’s room, and threw Sergei onto the ground.
“Godfather Gordred! I have brought you the fabled Villain! Now lavish me with riches!!!”
The Godfather squirrel Gordred looked upon Sergei with disbelief and an evil smile slowly spread across his face.
“So, after all these years, The Villain manifests himself once more... Tell me, does the squirrel in the picture over on that wall look familiar to you?” spoke Gordred.
“Oh... that squirrel? Well, there was this one time I was really drunk at a party and...”
“I don’t want to hear about your perversions! Now tell me if you recognize that specific squirrel!” the angry Gordred shouted.
Sergei looked closer at the portrait, and saw a cast on the pictured squirrel’s adorable little tail.
“Oh yes! That’s the squirrel I injured while pushing random buttons on the obelisk I found chillin’ in the forest. I hope he wasn’t too upset that I threw him to the squirrel-eating squids I saw, I thought maybe they could be friends. Like the bunny I once threw to a hawk; they played tag for seconds before the hawk picked him up and took him away, probably to an expensive dinner date, as I think they hit it off.” gabbed the serendipitous Sergei.
“Are you finished Villain?”Gordred asked, with enough anger in his voice to stop a pilgrim in its tracks.
“... I always used to see squirrels back where I lived, and I would play ‘hide the landmine’ outside their homes, and see how long it would take a squirrel to bury an acorn there.”
Gordred was so enraged he could not speak.
“And sometimes, I’d tie a bunch of squirrels to my favorite kite and let them spend a care-free day flying the skies. You wouldn’t believe how many times my kite strings broke and the squirrels would float awaaaaay with their little ‘chitter chitter’ noises fading slowly out of hearing range.”
Gordred made that very “chitter chitter” noise that the angry kite squirrels did, and then lunged at Sergei. Sergei had been about to go into another squirrel story, when Gordred hit him, knocking him to the ground. Gordred bit and clawed at Sergei’s still jabbering mouth.
“Gordred, relax!” yelled one of the police squirrels, “Aren’t you forgetting... torture?”
After a couple more bites, Gordred looked up at the other squirrel and said, “Of course... You’re right. Torturing The Villain would be much more satisfying... Besides, he tastes horrible!”
“Like the Leprechauns?” asked the squirel.
“You weren’t to talk of the Leprechauns...” said Gordred.
“Right... sorry.” said the offending squirrel.
“I could tell you some good Leprechaun stories...” started Sergei as he wiped his bloody squirrel bitten lip on Gordred’s expensive wallpaper.
Gordred immediately leapt at Sergei again and resumed the “vicious attack” process. After a very long while, it finally dawned on Sergei that he was being attacked, and that his best chance to survive would be to run away. And run he did, throwing Gordred off of himself... but he didn’t get very far before more “lasso goo” from the squirrel police officer bound him in place.
Gordred composed himself once more, and shouted “Take him to the torture chamber!”
The police squirrels grabbed Sergei again, and walked him down a hallway.
Gordred looked at the portrait of the injured squirrel again and said, “Oh Marv... If only you could see your nemesis captured and tortured at last.”
And with that, Gordred walked after Sergei, ready for some good wholesome torture!
But suddenly, there was a huge explosion and the hallway wall was blown apart. From out of the wall opening the explosion created, a man clad in what could only be called a “Robin Hood” suit hopped into the hallway, and then quickly pulled Sergei through the hole.
The police squirrels were too stunned by the recent explosion to grasp what just happened, but Gordred recovered swiftly and screamed, “After the prisoner! And don’t forget your ‘lasso goo’ shooters!”
The police squirrels just stood there, so Gordred had to pursue Sergei (and his “rescuer”) himself. He grabbed one of the police squirrel’s “lasso goo” shooters and then ran through the hallway wall debris, sprinting after Sergei and his “friend” as fast as his little squirrel legs would carry him, shouting his battle cry, “Chitter chitter!” the whole way.
Sergei and the Robin Hood wanna-be ran down the hallways of Gordred’s mansion, trying to escape its confines.
“Row row row your boat!” Sergei sang as he joyously loped after the “merry man.”
“Villain! This way, I have brought your time machine with me!” said “Robin Hood” as he grabbed Sergei’s arm and ran out of the mansion’s front door and straight towards the ominous monolith.
The monolith opened up as they drew near, as though it sensed their urgency, and the escapees jumped inside.
“Quick Villain, take us to some other, safer time period! You do know how to use this, right!?”
Sergei screamed “Buttons!” and started randomly pushing the buttons of the time machine once more. The number “-65,000,327" ended up on the time machine’s control panel by the time Sergei was finished, and he pushed the magic red button, after a few seconds of a humming noise, the time machine “blinked” once more out of Gordred’s time, and then “traveled” to the year 65,000,327 BC.
Gordred gasped in horror as he saw the capsule “blink” out of space... He was furious, and he searched the area around where the time machine had just been, and he noticed a small distortion in the “fabric” of space-time. Not really knowing what it was, and not really caring in his rage, he placed his furry little paw into it, and he was immediately sucked into “the flow of time!”
Will you follow after Sergei and his new “friend," or will you instead take the perspective of Gordred the angry/sexy squirrel?