The Nick Enloe Collection: Volume 1 |
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Infinite Loser Infinite Loser II The Advise To Kevin Song She Thinks I like Fat Chick Good Ol’ KFC Quotes The Encounter (True Story) |
| Infinite Loser 6-12-00 After you called, I sat to wonder. On my couch eating a cucumber Why aren’t I good enough to fit your needs? I’ve never had a chance, my garden is full of seeds Is it because I can not dance? Now I feel like some bologna Shove off me you friggin’ phone! Sorry ‘bout that, I think I can, Forget about you and go play Seaman Infinite Loser II 1-3-01 I tried to explain it to the girl next door I don’t want you, you’re a whore I was not looking at your breasts The words on your shirt interest me best My telescope watchin’ you as you shower? I was watchin’ the stars, I’m not a coward If I liked you, I’d tell you so Instead oh hide, and watch you mo’ Why was I hiding in the Porto-Potty? Uh. . . Shit! I gotta go!! The Advise To Kevin Song 1-3-01 Nest sung to the Man on the Moon theme Why is Kevin such a tight-wound flit? Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Kevin lookin’ for gorilla love* Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Now Kevin, won’t you shut the fuck up? I think Nick wants to pull out his gun Please don’t make him shoot himself (you pussy) With your ramblin’ on. *Kevin wants a chick that looks like a gorilla. She Thinks I like Fat Chick Ben: Nick, she thinks that I like fat chicks. Nick: Why? Ben: Cuz I said I don’t like toothpicks. Nick: Ugh . . . that’s pretty sick, but you should know, your stealing all the time on my show. Ben: Dude, no one cars that you’re a loser. Nick: Fuck Off, they should know that you drink booze . . . Umm . . . er. Ben: I think we should get on the subject, instead of talking about you, reject. Nick: That’s fine. Ben: why do these chick think that they’re chubby? Nick: Ben, I’ve heard you call them tubby. Ben: There’s no controlling their emotions. Nick: Send those whales back to the oceans. Ben: This, has nothing to do with what you’ve just said, you’ll wanna stop and duck you’re head. Nick: What!!! Good Ol’ KFC (not a true story) (Ben sitting in the parking lot of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Nick walks out with a box of extra crispy chicken) (Nick hands the chicken to Ben) Ben: Thanks, dude Nick: No problem. After all the work I do here, I think I deserve to steal some food. Ben: (while eating) So how do you like working here? I mean, how does the time pass? Nick: Well, let me pur it this way. Working here is really great. The feeling I getr when breading and cooking chicken is like chicken nirvana. (Ben give Nick a very strange look) Ben: Well, its good you like it. Nick: That’s not all. The joy that the food I cook is making people happy. It makes me want to go up to every customer, and say, "How do you like the chicken?" And inform them I’m the one who made it for them. Ben: Dude Nick: it also makes me wonder what would happen if I informed them that I pissed in the extrap crispy chicken batter. (Ben bulging eyes spitting and puking everywhere) Nick: Dude . . Just kiding . . (Ben look of relief) Nick: I don’t like it there THAT much. (Ben resumes puking) Quotes 9-13-00 "Freakers are just a different brand of preps, kinda like Coke and Pepsi. I’m the generic brand. I’m cheap, sure, but I get the job done. 9-22-00 "Rejection is the most painful thing in life till about the 400 billonth time." 9-25-00 "You realize life is completely useless when you have too much time to think about it." 9-27-00 "I think everyone in this world are assholes; especially people like me." 9-29-00 "Is there really a point to human relationships siknce there will be a point in life for each one to end?" 10-10-00 "Self-esteem is similar to a city; if it hasn’t been build it can’t be torn down." The Encounter (True Story) (Two five-year old English twins approach Nick) Girl 1 and 2: Hello Nick. Nick: Uh,h. How did you know my name? Girl 1 and 2: We know everything about you, Nick. Girl 1: We know what you really think. You suppress your bad feelings because people are brought down by it. Girl 2: Exactly. You turn people off by instantly showing the bad side of your personality, because it they really get to know you you’re afraid they won’t like you anyway. Nick: Who are you? Girl 1: You also think you will live and die in a lide of solitude. You believe you can not love anyone because no one truly loves you. Girl 1 and 2: You need help Girl 1: You’re very smart, Nick. That really makes me wonder why you haven’t figured yourself our. Girl 2: You’re not complicated. You’re in no way different from anyone else. Nick: Why are you telling me this Girl 2: You need to know. We will be back later, you need time to ponder what we’ve just said. Girl 1 and 2: Until next time, Nick (Girl 1 and 2 Dissapear) Nick: Oh my God, what was that? Thanks for readying all this stupid shit. I love everything. It’s a happy happy world, put on your smiles, enjoy yourself. Let everyone else, know that you’re damn happy . . . even if you’re not. Later. Nick Enloe You know you want him . . . |